Two-Eight-And-Nine-Zero-Seven

Do you believe in the saying, "you can't have it all"?
The yin and yang of life, you have to lose in order to gain something.

I had a best friend. We had something going on in the past but it never made to a point where either of us are ready to commit. We started over, everything was running smoothly until I decided to resurface old feelings. We finally let our guards down, talked about it for a long time and made a not so definite decision of getting together. We were not entirely a couple. We liked each other but it was nothing more than a truthful agreement between two persons, no strings attached. We shared a beautiful week full of sweet nothings and short sms. It was a moment of bliss for the both of us.

Weeks past and I changed. He remained the same. I wasn't the same person he talked to. I am in constant need of change. I didn't thought about it before I let others to my life. What I meant about change, is MYSELF. He has nothing to do with it. It's my relentless urge for variation that caused my gradual withdrawal from him. I don't know what caused me to be like this. He was patient. He loved me wholeheartedly. He did everything to make me happy. He made sure that our time together will blossom into a wonderful commitment. I did love him but it was not enough. I could never reciprocate all the efforts he made. I never played with his feelings. I stayed true to him. He knew me well enough to understand that I have a hard time expressing how I feel. I wanted to tell him how it's tearing me inside by not making a sane decision and that everything seemed too confusing for me. I just couldn't explain how it didn't work out. I tried but I could never put it into words.

A friend, I lost contact with, turn up and he became my sounding board. He sat and listened to my thoughts without biased and full of concern. For the times I was mad at myself for being confused and letting others suffer, he was there to give advise and helped straighten things up. And then one day it hit me. It made sense that I was always confused with things before because it wasn't meant to be. I had to sort things out with my best friend. I told him about how I found comfort and peace in another person and that I'm breaking things between us two. I might have told him everything in a not so good way. I knew it would hurt him bad but I never thought our friendship would suffer the same consequences. There's a lot more story in between but I would rather not blog about it anymore. I deserve what I got. I miss him and the times when we were friends. I tried to patch things up a couple of times, but things could never go back to the way they were.

I lost a friend.

I know that someday wounds will heal and everything will be alright. Although our friendship will never be the same again, I believe in time he will be able to forgive me and we'll start over, only then i'll be at peace with myself.

I wish for you to be happy and no matter what you will always be a special friend.

Shift

Day 6. I know a lot of people are getting axed from their jobs and I am lucky enough to be offered a position having been a graduate of a different course but I decided not to accept what they offered me. This is not what I want and this is not how I wanted it to be. I know I'm being idealistic and as of the moment I should be thinking practically but I can't help having doubts, what if I waited a few more months and pursue my wants, just six more months and I'll be able to have another shot at my chosen career.

Six idle months and a list of what I want to accomplish:
Learn how to drive , lose weight, improve my communication skills, attend personality developement classes, finish all unread books I bought during college, Do stretching exercise to strengthen my back, Draw and Make art :)

Hope this works!

First

I experienced my first job rejection yesterday. I felt sad but I wasn't devastated. I think the HR people did justice to the hiring process. I heard this particular company only go for those blessed with physical attributes, if it was true then half of the people who were interviewed should have been accepted but that wasn't the case. I was there and I saw how they equally gave everyone a chance to talk and prove to them that they are fit and right for the job.

Interviews are a bit intimidating for first timers like me so I think I scored average. I think what caused me to be a little anxious is the fact the my inexperienced social life made me self-conscious and shy at times. I was asked to talk in front for two minutes, approach the panel and face them with my best smile. I didn't not know the exact reason why I wasn't accepted, I wanted to ask the interviewer but I chickened out so I was left to myself pondering why I didn't qualify for the job. All I'm sure now is that they're not just looking for good looks and big brains, but they're after someone who exudes a warm aura and pleasant personality.

Although I got rejected, they offered me another position (two positions actually), which was not of my choice but I guess it's a nice opportunity and it's a chance to improve myself. I prayed really hard for this interview but I guess the spotlight's not on me, well NOT YET because if the job I wanted wasn't for me, why did the company offered me another position, which is almost the same with the one I wanted only I got lower pay and lesser privileges. I remember one professor I had in college mentioned about choices, that in life there are instances when you don't like what you're given but you still have to decide and choose. I believe God has better plans, I know none of it yet but I'm sure it will be the grandest of the grand!

Anyway, I called the company and accepted the job. I'm scheduled for an exam tomorrow. Wish me luck! :)

Constancy

Old friend, guidance I ask not. for you bargain the purest of minds, compelling vulnerable souls to live in falsity, exposing innocent truths to deliberately planned circumstances. Creating alternate existence that overtly corrupts actuality. Avoiding what is now and confining the yet to be in oblivion. Putting gaps of possibility in meager chances, seething in the depths of in between. Pleading to reach out and interpose permanent changes and finality, emerging as the brutally faceted future.

Is it just to believe in something that changes in an instant? Is it right to lose your way from what is expected? Is it enough for one to believe in another to live? Is it too much to be eager at one thing and long for another? Hard as it is to be desirous of everything at the same time, I struggle to maintain balance in life and accept things as they are. Still, I'm looking forward to a perpetually balanced future.

Austere Wishes

I wished for a simple beginning, that of a hopeful remark from a distant past, blissfully hidden in the eagerly desires of a young mind. I dreamt of a warmth solace that will embrace the coldness of unknown future. I endlessly searched for the inner serenity that will encapsulate the shallow confusion. I anticipated consequences as I longed for the perfect harmony.

I wished for a simple beginning, but I had more :)

First Impression

I was never a believer of first impressions, I need at least three or more encounters with same person to be able to grasp a sense of what he or she will be like. The same rule applies when you get to know me. I never open up to anybody at once, but I do talk. I talk a lot, I talk fast and I talk incoherently. You have to earn my respect before I treat you the same way.

However, instances happen and things change. I talk sensibly and people earn my respect. Some few have been lucky enough to be able to witness side of me I never allow people to see. I entrust things I faithfully believe in and seal everything in the depths of their souls. Only to find out that the person you knew seventy-eight hours earlier wasn't the same person now. Funny how you think that you know everything about the person, when just hours of being together will make you realize how a pretense could ruin a relationship.

I'm not the person who easily gives up on things, specially bonds that mold me into who I am today. But I couldn't do it alone, it has to be mutual. I can do everything on my part to make things work but if the other party don't respond, there's nothing left for me to do.

Detour

Fateful events transpire and direct your life on a detour. You await eagerly for this subconsciously mattering instance. Senses broaden and your initial reaction will determine what your forever is. You grasp what is offered and will wait for expectations to become apparent and take control of everything.

Four years of living an insensible future, I never imagined myself pursuing something I will never be able to conform. Yet instances occur and I was able to muster enough courage and try my luck. As I paced the floor of a building I always see but never set foot on, I felt everything was exactly where it's supposed to be, the interiors seemed to have been deserted just for my presence and the people were extra nice. Few minutes passed and I was able to left the building with ease.

This is where I'll be for now. I made backup plans just in case, but I believe in fate and that the universe conspire to present what is meant for you. I knew it wasn't my calling to be where I was few months ago.
I'm flying home :)