Lesson Learned

Last night while I was doing my nightly channel surfing I came across the local news regarding the recent bar exam passers. You can see in people's eyes how they eagerly waited for the results to arrive and how they were anxious as hell to know if they passed or not. Being a recent board passer myself I think back a month ago when I received the good news.

My mind went blank. Unlike those bar exam passers, I didn't care much about the board exam. I never wanted to take up nursing but I didn't know what course to take either. Anyway, there's nothing left for me to bicker, I finished the course and passed the boards. My point is -PASSION separates the bar and board exam passers. It's undeniably true that those who took the bar wanted to be lawyers ever since they set foot on their respective schools. And most of those who took the latter were either forced by their parents or left with no choice.

We live in a world where convenience dominates our everyday lives, afraid of the ebb and tide we follow the current and ride the waves of practicality. Being a believer of idealism, I don't follow the standard of what people think is right. I have my own set of rules and values I accept as true. But living with people who believes that realism is the key to success is hard, I could not resist the force that pushed me to forget all about my ideals. I was living without motivation for years.

This is what people lack nowadays, the will to choose what they want againts the ever watchful eye of the public. This I believe results in graduates who are confused and doesn't know where to start when in fact they should be continuing the paths they chose in college. I was in limbo months after I graduated. I thought I was free and I could do whatever I want to do but in fact I got tied on to my not chosen career. I was left with two choices - either I continue floating like a dead fish or I'll take the risk and choose to believe with my ideals.

Lesson learned.

Earth Hour

Looking for Good Art Schools in Asia

I'm humble enough to admit that I don't have a huge number of blog readers. Ha ha! Still I want to ask those who happen to passed by my blog and those I ask to read my posts. Although I took up a course in college far different from the one I am passionate about, I'm an art lover ever since and I might have an opportunity of studying art abroad. Well, the decision is not yet final. My parents, boyfriend and I still have to talk about A LOT of things.

What I'll be doing now is to ask my dear readers (if I have any) to suggest schools in Malaysia or in neighboring Asian countries that offer art classes (make-up, photography, design, literature and the like) be it full time or just a couple of months. You can leave comments or message my tag board and kindly send me the info's regarding the courses offered. It will be nice if you could tell me other info's like tuition fees, accommodation and a little background about the school. I prefer schools that offer short art courses, although a 4-year course is better, I rather enroll in the former. Thanks a lot!

Post Valentine Story

If a girl says that she hates surprises with fervor, don't believe her -she is LYING. No matter how stubborn she denies it, she will always fall for the bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates on valentines day. :) Believe me, I was one of those girls who frequently deny the fact the she feels special whenever her guy shows up and surprises her. Here's my post valentine story:

No scheduled date or special event on my planner. My boyfriend has work and I'm left home to burn my ass on the couch and watch reruns on cable. I'm having a perfect pathetic life of a bum until mid afternoon I received a text from my boyfriend that he just got home and his tooth hurts like hell. He called his dentist and asked me if I could accompany him, sadly I can't, my neighbor invited my family over for dinner at exactly the same time as his dentist appointment. I told him I could meet him after but he insisted that I skip dinner and go with him- not possible, so I went over at my neighbor's house, ate dinner and texted where he is and if he still want to meet up after. He told me he's at the clinic somewhere this street and that he can't say the exact location because he doesn't know. What a lame excuse, I asked him again where exactly is he because I'll be going after him so we could meet up but he obviously doesn't want to tell me where-- until I told him that I'm at this street looking for his dentist's clinic. He called and told me to go to this place and we'll meet up. He was all smiles when I saw him. I asked him how his tooth was and he said fine. He seemed happy and a little jittery. I felt like he was courting me again and about to ask me tonight to be his girlfriend...

:)

There couldn't have been anyone luckier than I was last valentines day! He was my BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE!

Bob Ong's 7th Book

See the video and watch out for his next book! Have fun!
Found this link at VISPRINT

Lost Generation?

Found on this on the net. Nice message. Have a look and let's do our part to make this world a better place :)



And oh, happy hearts day everyone!!!

Ideals

We live in a society guarded by standards. Our own morals are questioned by predetermined rules we fully abide. Criteria are set for us to follow. Jeopardizing freedom and compelling us to make decisions outside our wants. The choices we make depends on values our society perceive as right. Only those who are brave enough to fight the norm conveniently get what they want.

The Almighty Hanger

My parents are believers of the principle of spanking, specially my dad who grew up with courage, integrity and loyalty embedded on his genes. Hangers, belt buckles, walis and long sticks were some of my worst enemies back then, each having their own degree of ouch scale ranging from not-so-painful to hanger imprint on thighs. I wasn't so much of a badly behaved child but rather troublesome and irritating. I have a younger sister and we almost always end up fighting no matter how peacefully we started playing. We tried just about every way to annoy one another. We shout, pull one's hair, scratch, jab and kick each other's butt and when mom or dad caught us in the act we suffer double, it doesn't matter if we lie face down on bed or stand, we'll end up with belt buckle or hanger imprints on our thighs, at times on our forearms (when we try to protect our precious thighs). Besides from things my sister and I did, we also got a good spanking for not obeying some of our parents' asking and playing before studying. Although we get high grades in school it wasn't enough for our parents to let us do our child duties first before studying. They believe that study habits should be molded while one is young, so they wasted no time instilling discipline and focus regarding academics. Well their unwavering efforts payed off, not only did my sister and i excel in academics but we participated in extra-curricular, as well and never veered off course, smoke and drug-free even in college.

I remember there was a time when I really got angry with my dad. He got mad at me for not following mom's request, he had no idea that I was in my room finishing a story I'm working for about a week. He thought I was falling deaf on my mother's request. I didn't had a chance to redeem myself, afraid it will only make dad angrier. I never told him about the story till midnight when we were having our snack and I showed him the papers. One look and I knew he was sorry for what he did earlier. Spanking helps but not all the time.

Although I'm against my parents' belief, I don't condone the idea of spanking. I got spank and I grew up to be a responsible and disciplined person.

Lingering Smell of Books

Every time I open a book the scent brings me back to days
When my hair is in a high pony and my socks are all lacy.
When no matter how I try to keep my clothes and socks clean at the end of the day they still get soiled.
When I have nothing else to think but to win a game of piko.
When I have nothing else to worry except for what I'll have for dinner.
When the thought of birthday presents thrilled me.
When I have very little vocabulary yet I don't have problems talking matters to an adult.
When my world is as easy as eating ice cream.

Flipping through every page makes me feel like I have the world on my side and nothing could possibly ruin my day. Sadly, as I near the end of each flipped book, irrelevant yet valuable things that I overlooked as I grew older resurfaced. The back cover becomes vivid and reality comes knocking along. One by one, all are becoming vague...

My hair has changed and i don't wear laces anymore.
My clothes are pressed and neat.
My mind's clogged with a lot things, including one's that shouldn't be given a thought or two.
I succumb to worrying.
Birthday present doesn't excite me anymore, sometimes I don't even look forward in celebrating my birthday. My vocabulary increased yet I find it hard to talk to my superiors and surprisingly, eating ice cream doesn't look easy as it was anymore.

Books keep me sane in this very complex path of adulthood. I love the smell of books the smell of childhood, my childhood. :)

Boredom's Price

I've been reading reader's digest for three months now, happy to say that my leisure reading rate has improved. I've been trying to salvage that hobby of mine for months, I can't seem to finish a book in one sitting anymore. I used to read hard bound books for hours even missing a meal just so I could get to the end of the story. I would love to finish all unread books I bought since third year college. They pile up fast and collect heaps of dust in my bookshelf. I will try to read them all before June. Ranting aside, I came across this article in rdasia's February issue: the benefits of boredom (you may read the whole article here: the joy of boredom ). I am one of those who incessantly complain when boredom comes, to me it's just a two-syllable word defined by Webster as the state of being weary and restless through lack of interest. There's not a hint of optimism when talking about monotony, hours of doing nothing and not being able to accomplish anything is a mere waste of time so I was surprised how the author was able to extract wonderful thoughts from a dull routine. She even said that "we are most human when we feel dull" and that "lolling around in a state of restlessness is one of life's greatest luxuries - one not available to creatures that spend all their time pursuing mere survival." Having read the author's different take on boredom put some of my biased thoughts to rest. I opened my mind with what one can actually accomplish when feeling bored. Yes, according to the author it's even considered as a fundamental part in creating art and bringing human emotions to life. Hard to believe that something as dull and mundane as boredom could actually do something like that? Can't seem to agree at first but having written some of my essays during my bum moments I can arguably say that she has a point.

Two-Eight-And-Nine-Zero-Seven

Do you believe in the saying, "you can't have it all"?
The yin and yang of life, you have to lose in order to gain something.

I had a best friend. We had something going on in the past but it never made to a point where either of us are ready to commit. We started over, everything was running smoothly until I decided to resurface old feelings. We finally let our guards down, talked about it for a long time and made a not so definite decision of getting together. We were not entirely a couple. We liked each other but it was nothing more than a truthful agreement between two persons, no strings attached. We shared a beautiful week full of sweet nothings and short sms. It was a moment of bliss for the both of us.

Weeks past and I changed. He remained the same. I wasn't the same person he talked to. I am in constant need of change. I didn't thought about it before I let others to my life. What I meant about change, is MYSELF. He has nothing to do with it. It's my relentless urge for variation that caused my gradual withdrawal from him. I don't know what caused me to be like this. He was patient. He loved me wholeheartedly. He did everything to make me happy. He made sure that our time together will blossom into a wonderful commitment. I did love him but it was not enough. I could never reciprocate all the efforts he made. I never played with his feelings. I stayed true to him. He knew me well enough to understand that I have a hard time expressing how I feel. I wanted to tell him how it's tearing me inside by not making a sane decision and that everything seemed too confusing for me. I just couldn't explain how it didn't work out. I tried but I could never put it into words.

A friend, I lost contact with, turn up and he became my sounding board. He sat and listened to my thoughts without biased and full of concern. For the times I was mad at myself for being confused and letting others suffer, he was there to give advise and helped straighten things up. And then one day it hit me. It made sense that I was always confused with things before because it wasn't meant to be. I had to sort things out with my best friend. I told him about how I found comfort and peace in another person and that I'm breaking things between us two. I might have told him everything in a not so good way. I knew it would hurt him bad but I never thought our friendship would suffer the same consequences. There's a lot more story in between but I would rather not blog about it anymore. I deserve what I got. I miss him and the times when we were friends. I tried to patch things up a couple of times, but things could never go back to the way they were.

I lost a friend.

I know that someday wounds will heal and everything will be alright. Although our friendship will never be the same again, I believe in time he will be able to forgive me and we'll start over, only then i'll be at peace with myself.

I wish for you to be happy and no matter what you will always be a special friend.

Shift

Day 6. I know a lot of people are getting axed from their jobs and I am lucky enough to be offered a position having been a graduate of a different course but I decided not to accept what they offered me. This is not what I want and this is not how I wanted it to be. I know I'm being idealistic and as of the moment I should be thinking practically but I can't help having doubts, what if I waited a few more months and pursue my wants, just six more months and I'll be able to have another shot at my chosen career.

Six idle months and a list of what I want to accomplish:
Learn how to drive , lose weight, improve my communication skills, attend personality developement classes, finish all unread books I bought during college, Do stretching exercise to strengthen my back, Draw and Make art :)

Hope this works!

First

I experienced my first job rejection yesterday. I felt sad but I wasn't devastated. I think the HR people did justice to the hiring process. I heard this particular company only go for those blessed with physical attributes, if it was true then half of the people who were interviewed should have been accepted but that wasn't the case. I was there and I saw how they equally gave everyone a chance to talk and prove to them that they are fit and right for the job.

Interviews are a bit intimidating for first timers like me so I think I scored average. I think what caused me to be a little anxious is the fact the my inexperienced social life made me self-conscious and shy at times. I was asked to talk in front for two minutes, approach the panel and face them with my best smile. I didn't not know the exact reason why I wasn't accepted, I wanted to ask the interviewer but I chickened out so I was left to myself pondering why I didn't qualify for the job. All I'm sure now is that they're not just looking for good looks and big brains, but they're after someone who exudes a warm aura and pleasant personality.

Although I got rejected, they offered me another position (two positions actually), which was not of my choice but I guess it's a nice opportunity and it's a chance to improve myself. I prayed really hard for this interview but I guess the spotlight's not on me, well NOT YET because if the job I wanted wasn't for me, why did the company offered me another position, which is almost the same with the one I wanted only I got lower pay and lesser privileges. I remember one professor I had in college mentioned about choices, that in life there are instances when you don't like what you're given but you still have to decide and choose. I believe God has better plans, I know none of it yet but I'm sure it will be the grandest of the grand!

Anyway, I called the company and accepted the job. I'm scheduled for an exam tomorrow. Wish me luck! :)

Constancy

Old friend, guidance I ask not. for you bargain the purest of minds, compelling vulnerable souls to live in falsity, exposing innocent truths to deliberately planned circumstances. Creating alternate existence that overtly corrupts actuality. Avoiding what is now and confining the yet to be in oblivion. Putting gaps of possibility in meager chances, seething in the depths of in between. Pleading to reach out and interpose permanent changes and finality, emerging as the brutally faceted future.

Is it just to believe in something that changes in an instant? Is it right to lose your way from what is expected? Is it enough for one to believe in another to live? Is it too much to be eager at one thing and long for another? Hard as it is to be desirous of everything at the same time, I struggle to maintain balance in life and accept things as they are. Still, I'm looking forward to a perpetually balanced future.

Austere Wishes

I wished for a simple beginning, that of a hopeful remark from a distant past, blissfully hidden in the eagerly desires of a young mind. I dreamt of a warmth solace that will embrace the coldness of unknown future. I endlessly searched for the inner serenity that will encapsulate the shallow confusion. I anticipated consequences as I longed for the perfect harmony.

I wished for a simple beginning, but I had more :)

First Impression

I was never a believer of first impressions, I need at least three or more encounters with same person to be able to grasp a sense of what he or she will be like. The same rule applies when you get to know me. I never open up to anybody at once, but I do talk. I talk a lot, I talk fast and I talk incoherently. You have to earn my respect before I treat you the same way.

However, instances happen and things change. I talk sensibly and people earn my respect. Some few have been lucky enough to be able to witness side of me I never allow people to see. I entrust things I faithfully believe in and seal everything in the depths of their souls. Only to find out that the person you knew seventy-eight hours earlier wasn't the same person now. Funny how you think that you know everything about the person, when just hours of being together will make you realize how a pretense could ruin a relationship.

I'm not the person who easily gives up on things, specially bonds that mold me into who I am today. But I couldn't do it alone, it has to be mutual. I can do everything on my part to make things work but if the other party don't respond, there's nothing left for me to do.

Detour

Fateful events transpire and direct your life on a detour. You await eagerly for this subconsciously mattering instance. Senses broaden and your initial reaction will determine what your forever is. You grasp what is offered and will wait for expectations to become apparent and take control of everything.

Four years of living an insensible future, I never imagined myself pursuing something I will never be able to conform. Yet instances occur and I was able to muster enough courage and try my luck. As I paced the floor of a building I always see but never set foot on, I felt everything was exactly where it's supposed to be, the interiors seemed to have been deserted just for my presence and the people were extra nice. Few minutes passed and I was able to left the building with ease.

This is where I'll be for now. I made backup plans just in case, but I believe in fate and that the universe conspire to present what is meant for you. I knew it wasn't my calling to be where I was few months ago.
I'm flying home :)